heard all details from him and said, "You have your own hereditary Vaishnava Gurus. Take initiation from them." Whatever may be the reason, the Mother did not initiate him.
After supper I went to bring a betel roll. The Holy Mother was tying the mosquito curtains for the children in the next room. I heard her speaking to the mad aunt, "Don't take me for an ordinary mortal. You abuse me so recklessly. I do not take it to heart, considering it only as so much noise. If I take notice of it, who will save you? It is to your advantage that I am alive. Your daughter is yours only. I am here only until she grows up. Otherwise what is attachment for me? I can cut it off this moment. When I pass away one day like camphor, you will never get a trace of me."
Mad aunt: When did I scold you? I just said a few words. The trouble is when-you give, you give without reserve.
She was of the opinion that the Holy Mother should keep all her money for Radhu.
Mother: Mine is a child-like nature. Do I keep meticulous accounts? I give to whoever asks.
Returning from Banaras, the Holy Mother stayed a few days at Calcutta and then left for Jayrambati. On 25th February she reached Koalpara. She was given the room next to the shrine. I brought out a banian seed and said, "See, Mother, this seed is smaller than the seed of red spinach. And yet from this comes such a huge tree! What a wonder!" She replied, "Why not? Just see, how small is the
Bija(mystic
syllable) of the Lord's Name. Yet from that, springs forth in due time spiritual consciousness, devotion, love and what not!"
We came to Jayrambati and sat for meal at night. Someone said, "Mother, did you notice how inconsiderate these people (the Mother's brothers) are? They knew of your coming. Yet, they did not send anyone to receive you at the river-crossing." Thereupon the Mother said to the eldest brother (Prasanna): "Why did you not send a man to help me cross the river? My children (referring to the disciples) accompanied me. You did not go yourself, nor did you send a man."
The brother replied, "I did not do so for fear of Kali (the next brother.) He might complain that I was trying to win you over to my side. Do I not know what you are and what these devotees are? I know everything, but I am helpless. Please bless