night I couldn't sleep, worrying how indeed I spoke so rudely to you! And look at this Radhu's mother! How she abuses me day and night! I do not know what sin I committed to deserve all this. Perhaps I worshipped Siva with a thorny Bilva leaf. That thorn has now become this thorn-this Radhu's mother."
JAYRAMBATI
12th May, 1913
Referring to Radhu's illness, the Mother said, "My mind now does not dwell upon Radhu even in the slightest degree. I am sick of her illness. I force my mind upon her. I pray to the Master, saying 'O Lord, please divert my mind a little to Radhu. Otherwise who will look after her?' I have never seen such illness. Perhaps in her former birth she died of an illness for which she had not performed any penance. I have in mind to do these two things-one, to invoke the help of a
Canda (a fierce spirit) through adequate rites, and the other, to undertake the
Candrayana vow.
"Whenever the Master experienced Mahabhava, he used to experience excruciating burning sensation in his chest. You must have read all about it in the books. My brother-in-law then brought him to the village-home. He called in a few exorcists, and with their help a
Canda was invoked. He addressed the Master by his childhood name and said, 'O so-and-so (Gadai), your state of Mahabhava is due to the grace of God. It is not a disease. Do not eat too much betel-nut. It increases lust.' If a man dies for a particular illness without doing the necessary penance, he gets the same illness in his next birth
1; but this rule does not apply to a holy man."
Kedar's mother: The monk dies repeating the Name of God and therefore he attains to God.
Mother: Yes, that's true. The other day a young man died at
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1 The idea is that an illness is brought about by one's evil Karma. In the case of the last illness, it may be that one dies before the Karma is fully exhausted, and in that case, one may have to suffer for that residuary Karma in the next birth, the suffering taking the shape of. the same old disease. Hence one should perform penance, charity, worship, etc. as atonement for one's sinful Karma during one's last illness. and thus one gets over the effects of that Karma.