was near at hand.
1I told a friend, "I shall go to Dakshineswar to see him," and she communicated everything to my father. I, of course, could not speak of this to my father, because of fear and bashfulness.
My father said, "Does she want to go? Very good." He too accompanied us. On the way, I fell ill. I was lying unconscious owing to fever. Just then I saw a woman, jet black in complexion, sitting by my side, and stroking my head. She said, "I come from Dakshineswar." I said, "I too am going to Dakshineswar. But how are you related to us?" She replied, "I am your sister. Don't you worry! You will recover soon."
The very next day, the fever left me. My father got me a palanquin. We reached Dakshineswar at about 9 p.m. I went straight to the Master's room, while the others went to the Nahabat where my mother-in-law stayed. The Master said to me, "Ah! You have come'!" And he asked someone to spread a mat on the floor. Then he added, "Alas! Would that my Mathur were alive now! By his death, my right hand, as it were, is broken!" Mathur had died a few months before. Akshay (the son of the Master's elder brother) had also passed away.
Disciple: Oh! Wasn't Mathur Babu there?
Mother: No. He had passed away about 7 or 8 months earlier. Had Mathur been alive, would I have been put up in that tiny inconvenient room (in the Nahabat)? He would have built a mansion for me!
After seeing the Master, I wanted to go to the Nahabat. But the Master said, "No, no. Stay here. It would be inconvenient for the doctor to see you there." I spent the night in his room. A woman companion slept beside me. Hriday gave us two or three baskets of puffed rice, for all had finished their supper when we arrived.
The next day, a doctor came and examined me. After a few days I became well, and went to stay in the Nahabat. My mother-in-law too was then staying there. Before that she had been living in a room in the bungalow used by the owners of the temple garden. Akshay had breathed his last there. Therefore she had
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1 According to some, the occasion was Dol Purnima which fell on 25th March, 1872. According to others, it was Caitra-sankranti which came a month later.